An Uncommon Mind
The Republican Voter's Guide
With the Republican primary season kicking off next week my Republican reader has been bugging me for a guide to help him pick the best candidate. You see unlike me he didn’t watch every episode of As The Republicans Turn. So as a public service to my Republican reader I provide this voter’s guide.
Mitt Romney – For a guy who’s been leading most of this short but tortuous nomination process he sure has a weak grasp on this thing. Nobody seems to like Mitt. He’s phony, he’s stiff, he has helmet hair and evangelicals don’t trust him because he’s Mormon. Mitt does have the appearance of sanity going for him though, it’s not difficult to appear sane when you’re running against this bunch.
It has been fun watching Mitt in the debates. He’s stayed under the radar, hasn’t suffered a direct hit and comes off as the adult in the room. He also must be excellent at Yoga because watching him twist and contort his previous positions to conform to the current Republican orthodoxy is highly entertaining. He may be the best bet for the Republicans but given the Democrat-styled self-destruction Republicans are engaged in this year Mitt won’t get the nomination.
Newt Gingrich – In a previous blog post I advocated for Newton Leroy (really that’s his name) to run because I thought he’d be funny. Newt Leroy hasn’t failed to entertain me. Every debate features him using his unique knowledge of history to question some premise. The guy knows and correctly uses every $.25 word in the dictionary.
Newt Leroy doesn’t really want to be president because the moment he ascended to the ever changing top slot of the polls he started sharing his “bright ideas”. How weird is it to suggest that child labor laws be changed so kids can work as janitors at their schools? Or to say poor kids have no work ethic because they don’t have good examples? But that’s Newt Leroy in nutshell. Cold, craven and totally inappropriate. If he wins the nomination I’m calling Ghostbusters because I refuse to live in a country where the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man has chance to become president (I seriously believe Newt Leroy and Stay Puft were separated at birth).
Ron Paul – Who let the cranky old man in the race? I’ll give him credit, he has the courage of his convictions. He’s the only one in the race who I think actually believes the things he says. No matter how extreme old Ron Paul wouldn’t say it or write it unless he stood behind it 100%. Like the newsletter he wrote that said 95% of black men are criminals. Oh wait Ron says he didn’t write that? But isn’t that his signature? Whoa! Now I’m not sure what to believe about Ron Paul. Maybe he doesn’t really believe that earmarks are bad. Gasp! What if? What if he doesn’t believe what he’s said about the Federal Reserve? Could Ron Paul be just another politician (albeit racist, homophobic, anti-Semitic one)? If he wins the nomination I sincerely hope the Republican powers that be get him a tailor.
Jon Huntsman – This guy is still in the race? Who knew?
Rick Santorum – I lobbied against a Santorum candidacy for obvious reasons. I worried people would take a candidate like him seriously? It makes me happy to report that nobody takes him seriously. I guess somewhere there are two or three people supporting him but they’re most likely too drunk and high to remember to vote. Ignore him, Republican reader, everybody else does.
Michele Bachmann – My favorite Republican hasn’t feared too well. In the early days of the election she was a strong darkhorse candidate. She even won a pointless, meaningless straw poll that nobody cared about. Sadly she fell off the pace because when the craziest of Republicans realized how crazy she is they knew she was too crazy even for them.
That doesn’t mean Scrappy Doo, as I’ve taken to calling her, hasn’t been a fun candidate. In the debates I love how she tries to interject herself into whatever the serious candidates are talking about. Predictably her efforts at joining the conversation with a, “look at me I hate Obama,” comment are generally ignored. If somehow she pulls off a miraculous victory I’d have to consider voting for her to make sure she gets at least one vote.
Rick Perry – I almost forgot about Rick. Hahahahahahahahaha! That was a good one. I’m here all week folks. Rick took off like a rocket. Just as he was reaching the atmosphere his engines failed and he came crashing back to earth. He’s been damaged and useless ever since. From his debate gaffes to his obvious lack of preparation, Rick’s campaign has been a complete mess. The worst thing that happened to Rick is he opened his mouth on an episode of As The Republicans Turn. If he had just stood there looking pretty I bet he’d poll stronger. Poor Rick is about the only one who doesn’t know his election chances are shot. He’s raised a spectacular amount of money so that should keep it interesting but he has no chance.
Ronald Reagan – I know he’s not really running, but every Republican races is about him. If Republicans could carry him around Weekend at Bernie’s style I bet he’d win the nomination easily.
So there you have it. All in all it’s a motley field of contenders. They remind of the guests on Jabba the Hutt’s barge in Return of the Jedi. If Republicans are not totally crazy then Mitt will get the nomination. Since I think they’re still high on tea from the Tea Party I’m going with Newt Leroy or Scrappy Doo.The Treacherous Threes
Two year olds may be troublesome but they’re generally clueless. Three year olds on the other hand are vested with a level of knowledge that makes them a dangerous group of people bent on world domination. Plus they still know the value of a good temper tantrum and will use it when necessary. I think the age two should hire the age three’s agent. Somehow the age two gets slandered daily as terrible while the age three gets away with murder.
Three’s a weird age. One minute my daughter is a perfect little angel. She’s helpful, fun and follows directions. The next minute (and I really mean sixty seconds later) you can’t tell her anything because she knows everything. If you try to help her that’s a tantrum waiting to happen. I watched her fight with the zipper to her coat for four hours one morning. All the while she’s yelling, “I can do it myself daaaaaddeeeee! I don’t need help!”
Then there’s the mouth. Most two years have trouble with a basic sentence so talking back is out of the question. They just throw a tantrum and move on with their day. Not three year olds. Since they know everything they have to let you know they know everything. I drive my daughter to school every morning. Her newest morning habit is “reading”. Since she can’t actually read it’s really putting the stories she’s memorized to the pictures. One morning while driving to school she asked me if her book was in her bag. What follows is real conversation with a real three year old. No actors were used in this conversation:
Me: No, It’s on the kitchen table. I saw it before we left.
Her: It’s in my bag. Let me see my bag, daaaaaddeeee (she rummages through her bag)
Her: It’s not here, daaaaaddeeeee!
Me: I told you it was in the house.
Her: Daaaaaddeeee, did you take the book out my bag?
Me: No, I didn’t
Her: Daaaaaddeee, you can tell me if you took the book out. I won’t be mad.
Me: Huh? Sweetie, I didn’t take it out.
Her: Daaaaaddeee, if you took it out just tell me. I promise I won’t get mad. Really, daaaaaddeeee, I promise I won’t be mad
Me: I didn’t take the book
For the rest of the ride to school she was mumbling under her breath, while giving me the evil eye, about how she knows I took her book and I should just tell her I took the book. Two year olds, they don’t do this.
At two they don’t scheme to get around your parenting. At three they know you don’t know what you’re doing and constantly working on plans undermine the balance of the household to their advantage. Every parent has said some variation of, “you do what your mother and father tell you to do,” to their children. My three year old figured out a loophole that she believes lets her do what she wants. You see she’s amassed an army of baby dolls. And these dolls are her “children”. Since she’s a mommy to these dolls she’s free to do what she wants when she wants. That’s how she carefully and passionately explained it to me one day.
You see what she did there? She flipped a basic parenting adage to her advantage. A little knowledge and basic logic skills are dangerous in the hands of a three year old. At two they just cry and throw themselves on the floor. At three they know they’re smarter than you and aren’t shy about letting you know.
I could go on for days about the very real danger of a three year old. This is a really small sample. I just wanted to warn parents in a way I wasn’t warned. Three year olds think they'er little adults. So if you’re child is turning two and you’re nervous about what’s to come don’t sweat it. Three is the real age to worry about. Be prepared!
Herman, Herman He's Our Man?
There have been black Republicans (no not Nas and Jay-Z) in the past that have made a go of running for president but nobody takes Alan Keyes seriously; even Alan’s mom didn’t vote for him. Now the former pizza executive/Federal Reserve Board Member/radio personality/cancer survivor, Herman Cain is actually a front runner.
Being the political masochist that I am I’ve watched just about every Republican debate. At first Herm was the crazy uncle in the corner that nobody paid attention too. You know the one that as long as you keep a cold beer in his hand you won’t hear a thing from him. But the second he finishes that beer be ready for his skewed commentary on the world. But as other Republican candidates faded crazy Uncle Herman climbed in the polls and actually won a meaningless straw poll.
The Hermanator, as he strangely calls himself, owes much of his early success to his DOA 9-9-9 plan. I’m not an economist or a tax expert so I’m not going to attempt to explain the plan. Just know it basically shifts a tremendous tax burden onto poor families. I know we can can’t tax the job creators and all for fear they’ll stop creating all the jobs they’ve been creating over the last ten years but Uncle Herm’s plan is just foolishness and likely unworkable based on what I’ve read about it. Not only will poor people suffer it’ll underfund the government which I suspect is part of Cain’s appeal in some quarters.
My theory is that Crazy Uncle Herm never thought he’d become a serious candidate. Otherwise he would have never introduced that indefensible 9-9-9 plan. Now he’s asked to defend it, and well, it isn’t pretty folks. In the last Republican debate his foes piled on and Crazy Uncle Herman introduced a bizarre fruit-based defense of his plan. When he finished babbling I didn’t understand his 9-9-9 plan any better but I really wanted an orange.
As the spotlight on Uncle Herm gets brighter we’re exposed some of his more, let’s say interesting, views on race and poverty in America. Crazy Uncle Herm’s position in response to the Occupy Wall Street movement that it’s the protesters fault that they don’t have jobs and aren’t rich is just insane. I don’t want or expect black person to move in lock step in regards to racial and political issues. It would make for a very boring world. But are black people really afraid to wake up and stuck on the Democrats political plantation? Why can’t black voters just feel a certain political party better speaks to the wants, needs and interests of black Americans? I’m glad there are voices from all over the political spectrum representing black people but I always wonder why the conservative voices tend to be so condescending.
As you can probably tell I’m having a hard time with Herman Cain, Presidential Candidate. Given Cain’s proclaimed ignorance of international issues, lack of fundraising and organization in key primary and caucus states, it’s hard not to see his campaign as a grand scheme to sell books, boost the profile of his radio show and increase his speaker fees. Naw, Crazy Uncle Herm wouldn’t do that, would he?
Death Be the Penalty (Remix)
Aside from Rep. Ron Paul’s blasé attitude about a person dying from the lack of health care and people cheering the most galling thing on display in the recent Republican debates is Gov. Rick Perry’s pride in his state’s death penalty record. When the moderator mentioned Texas had put more people to death than any other state, Perry puffed his chest out and offered that Texas smirk George W. Bush made so popular. And the audience… cheered?
But it’s neither the bloodthirsty response of ultraconservatives that makes me question the death penalty, nor the recent execution of Troy Davis that drives my opposition to the death penalty. State sponsored murder shouldn’t serve as punishment for any crime no matter the situation. Yeah, that’s a broad brush I just painted; but to me the death penalty is just wrong and should be abolished.
The death penalty doesn’t provide justice for society, the family of the victim or the perpetrator of a crime. Are we really better off if a murderer pays the “ultimate price”? Is a death for a death the way to fight crime in this country? Actually we should ask ourselves if the death penalty is fighting crime at all or is it a legalized revenge fantasy.
My opposition to the death penalty stems from a few different roots. I can’t move beyond the fact that the death penalty for some is pure and simple revenge. That should not be the role of our justice system. Time and time again I hear, “you wouldn’t feel that way if it were your family” or “families who suffer like that need a release”. Well the death of the person who committed a heinous crime against my loved one is not bring my family member back so what good is it for that person to die? So the murderer’s family suffers like I did? All life, no matter how some of us choose to waste it, is precious and shouldn’t be snuffed out so a victim’s relatives can feel closure.
The main basis for my opposition to the death penalty is my belief that the justice system in this country is unfair. Wealthy people with access to the best lawyers money can buy and intimate knowledge of the system get breaks poor people can’t even imagine. Meanwhile poor people, black people and Latino people generally suffer. Poorer people tend to get overworked or incompetent public defenders which basically doom them to defeat.
Of course the looming specter of race is involved as well. We all know, though many of us refuse to admit, the indignities black people suffer at the hands of the justice system. Of course that transfers to death penalty cases, where a black person is more likely to get the death penalty for taking the life of a white person than killing a black person.
Mix in the chance that the accused might actually be innocent of the crime and you’ll understand why I’m against this type of punishment. Let’s be honest, witnesses lie or have faulty recollections, cops screw up evidence or overlook details that might find the real killers. There are so many recently discovered cases of people being wrongfully jailed that I’m surprised we’re not asking more hard questions about crime and punishment in America. I’m sure there are hundreds more cases waiting to be discovered. Yes, some of those wrongly convicted people are probably sitting on death row too. What’s a worse crime than condemning an innocent person to death?
The sad, unnecessary execution of Troy Davis should be the beginning of a national anti-death penalty movement. We shouldn’t stop working until state governments no longer permit legalized murder of convicted criminals under any circumstance. It’s barbaric and unbecoming of the civilized nation we claim to be.
Death Be The Penalty originally appeared on Landz Dwelling in 1998
Hot off the Presses
We’re back with another exciting issue of Uptown Mosaic Magazine.
Putting together each issue is a labor of love. Issue number three was the most fun issue to put together because we had so many great submissions to choose from. Choosing stories for this edition kept us up late at night, but those sleepless nights produced what I think is a great issue. Hopefully you think so too.
This issue’s Fiction and Poetry section is filled with great evocative writing such as John Grey’s poem Out of Work that does a great job of illustrating the pain the unemployed often feel. The Pianist, also by Grey, shows us life’s struggles through the troubled fingers of a piano player. Choke on Me, the first of Ben Nardolilli’s two poems in this issue points out that much of the food we enjoy is not good for us and might actually be killing us. Nardolilli’s second poem, Jewel Box Graffiti touches on the clouded lenses of angry people.
Daniel Davis’s great short story Neighbors makes you ask yourself if you every really know your neighbors. Trust me you probably don’t really know them. Mexican Bulldozer Radio by Dan Hornsby reminds us of just how noisy life can be even in what’s supposed to be your quiet zone. Finally, William Raymond Aspah brings us The Good Life. This story helps us remember that those who appear to have to the best of everything really don’t
One of the more exciting things we’re introducing in this issue is our new Opinions & Essays section. This issue features two very interesting essays that are a great way to introduce this new feature to the website. My Signature Itself is an Inferno by Deion Washington gives voice to the anger of a young man as he approaches adulthood. Will Henderson‘s submission Unsent is a window into the world of a failed relationship and the pain it caused.
As always we hope you enjoy reading these poems, short stories and essays as much as we did. We’re always looking for new submissions so if you’re a writer, poet, artist or photographer Uptown Mosaic Magazine is looking for you! You can submit your work here.
Enjoy!
It's Baaaaaack...
If anybody tells you that baseball is still the national pastime they’re either delusional or lying to you and themselves. It’s been obvious for years that football is king. No not, much to my dismay, the football that is played in the rest of the world. (I doubt any of you were actually thinking that but thought I’d add that for clarification purposes. Okay, I’m a huge soccer fan. What the hell? Back to the topic, man!) Football is the dominant sport in America today and really the foreseeable future.
When the owners locked the players out the situation among football fans (or as I like to call it everybody in the country) was dire. People were lost without football during the lockout; except the lockout occurred during the offseason when nothing of importance would have happened anyway. No games were missed and the draft occurred as usual. Sure the Redskins didn’t get to prove they know how to waste money on players who will cease to be good immediately upon putting on a burgundy colored helmet, but really we fans didn’t miss a thing. That didn’t stop nationwide hand-wringing about whether there was going to be a season.
I know people who paid more attention to the NFL lockout then they did to their own jobs. They spent days debating the merits of the various proposals and arguing tooth and nail who would win. NBA players are currently locked out (you forgot didn’t you?) and nobody cares. Hell the players don’t even care they’re all trying to go play in Europe instead. NBA commissioner David Stern probably wonders why there’s nobody covering his every announcement like they covered the NFL commissioner’s statements. Davey-boy, nobody cares about your little lockout. We have football again.
To much praise and hosannas football is back. There’s noticeable pep in the step of every man, woman and child everywhere you go. You can see the joy the return of football brings by visiting any barbershop around the country. They no longer have to bet on minor things like which debt ceiling bill would pass or how big the next reduction of American troops in Iraq would be. They can once again return to betting on football. Seriously, does every barber in the country have a gambling problem? They bet on everything! I recently heard two barbers bet on a preseason game. A preseason game!
Speaking of preseason games, if you need proof that football rules the American sporting world the fact that people actually tune in watch preseason games is it. Do they show spring training baseball games on TV? Does anybody know if the NBA even has a preseason? The other day I was watching a game and it occurred to me that none of the people playing in the game would actually make the team and if any of them did they would be cosigned to the bench or special teams action. This is not the first time this has occurred me and yet I sat glued to the TV like millions of others.
I watched last night’s game and thought to myself, “I have no rooting interest in either team but it’s football and I must watch!” I’ll spend all day Sunday glued to my TV. I hope the wife and kids don’t need anything because I’ll be in a football induced stupor. King and ruler of the American Sporting Universe, Football beckons…
My prediction for the season? The Dallas Cowboys win in all. There’s just something special about that team this season.
You Out There?
Yeah, I did it again. Another long unexplained absence. I’m sure my six readers are wandering around blogless trying to figure out what’s going on. I used to have seven readers but I’m sure at least one reader got tired of waiting for an update and moved on to another more frequently updated blog. I’ll miss you dear reader number seven though you refused to comment on anything I wrote.
I’d like to promise this will never happen again. Really, I would. However, I don’t like to write just for the sake of writing. I won’t blog just to check that off my to-do list. I actually like to think that I’m somehow adding something to lives of my six readers. If I post something just because I can then I’m letting my readers down.
Hmmm, this is becoming more defiant than it’s supposed to be.
There were several things that caught my writer’s eye, mostly around the crumbling, stumbling, bumbling world of the United States government. What started off as a necessary debate about the need for fiscally sound policies quickly turned politically violent. Honestly I needed a break from politics. I just couldn’t take what was happening in Washington serious enough to write about it. What else could I say about the feeble state of our political system that I haven’t already said? Besides next year the presidential campaign really gets going, I’d rather save myself for that then write about the road to oblivion we appear to be on.
I did get a kick out of Dr. Cornel West and Tavis Smiley’s Poverty tour of the US. I respect Cornel West though I’ve always found he’s too enamored with his own intelligence. It’s like he’s always saying, “look at me I’m smarter than you and here’s why.” Maybe that’s my own insecurities. Plus his voice is too soothing. Anyway, Cornel is acting like my 3 year old. His beef with President Obama seems more motivated by perceived personal slights (sorry Obama didn’t call your Dr. West he’s busy running the country. He hasn’t called me back either but if he emails me one more damn time…) than anything Obama did or didn’t do. If Obama called Cornel tomorrow he’d happily dump Tavis for a White House invite.
That brings us to dear brother Tavis. I get the feeling he thought he was going to be the first black president or he feels his (self-selected) role as the primary spokesman for black America has be usurped by President Obama. When Obama didn’t come to his State of the Black Union aka The Tavis Saves Black America program Tavis began criticizing the Obama relentlessly. I’ve watched a several iterations of The Tavis Saves Black America program and came away with the thought the event was just an opportunity for Tavis to boost his profile. I can’t think of one solution or insight gained from that ego fest. Now Tavis is mad because Obama is the first president not to invite him to the White House. Clearly Obama has no interest in talking to Black America. That is obvious because Tavis has been left out in the cold and he’s the only one that speaks to Black America. The nerve of Obama! We should punish him by forcing him to listen to Tavis Smiley babble. That’ll show him.
Ultimately I decided The West Smiley World Tour of the United States should have merit and raised some important issues about the devastating effects of the recession and the political budgetary sideshow on Black America (and Latinos and the poor in general). However, West and Smiley decided to put their personal issues first by attacking the president on such personal terms. Everybody recognized that and everybody ignored them. Sadly poor people lose again.
I guess I could have written about my daughter’s discovery of her “bad self”. Her “bad self” gets all the blame when she misbehaves which is all the time now. I tried to explain that there was no such thing as a “bad self” however; she wouldn’t accept that and the conversation devolved into a mess of tears. Once I stopped crying and got myself together I figured that while blogging about her “split personality” might have given me great material but years down the road it would just add her psychiatric bills. Anyway she has decided her “bad self” should move out the house. So if you see a 3 year old self randomly misbehaving it’s probably my daughter’s bad self. Don’t send it back, it’s not welcome here.
Wow this is long. Maybe I do need to write more often. Four weeks of vacation should only be reserved for our hardworking representatives in Congress…
Yes, God is a Republican
With European soccer season over and basketball season completed I’m left to focus my attention on my other favorite sport. Yup, politics. There’s something about politics that is so crazy. With the presidential election getting underway so political posturing and general nonsense is at an all time high.
While I’m an avowed independent I’ve never actually found a national Republican candidate that I could support. But Republicans are far more entertaining than Democrats are so I pay closer attention to them. They say and do things that make little sense but they say and do these things with such conviction I have to accept that they really believe the things they say and do. Yet as a political party they confuse me. Aside from their blind faith in a tax cut-centric economic policy, Republican’s ownership of faith-based issues most confounds me.
Don’t you ever wonder how Republicans have been able to so deftly wrap themselves in the cloak of religion? Yeah, I do too. They have whole events dedicated to the intersection of faith, religion and politics while casting those who aren’t Republicans or don’t toe the Republican line as godless heretics. Democrats don’t do this stuff. They don’t even do the basics like robo-call God for his vote. For a long time I’ve wondered, does god really vote Republican? If you listen to Republicans you'd think so.
Clearly God must believe in tax cuts for all and especially for the very wealthy. It’s obvious because Republicans are just doing God’s work by fighting against higher taxes and demanding cuts to any and all government services that provide comfort to the less fortunate. Because if you make enough money you shouldn’t have to share it and don’t worry because everything will magically trickle down to the less fortunate anyway. What? That’s never worked? Don’t worry about it; God doesn’t want you to help them anyway.
Michele Bachmann says God is calling her to run president and nobody bats an eye. Have you ever heard a Democrat say something like that? More importantly have people lost their spiritual way so badly that God wants Michele Bachmann to be president? If that’s the case I hope all Americans immediately drop to their knees and pray for forgiveness.
Where’s the uproar when Texas Governor Rick Perry says the US economy crashed because god wants America to return to biblical principles? Let me get this straight, God in his infinite wisdom, decided to extend subprime loans to millions, get involved with risk derivative trading and pass a massive tax cut all so He could drive us back to church? Rick also seems to ignore the fact that the country wasn't built on Biblical principles to begin with.
Republicans have been able to use distracting issues like prayer in public schools and abortion to cast themselves on the side of the faithful. They choose these types issues to appear to stand up for issues that are of concern to Christians. But what about, comforting the poor and the sick? What about feeding the hungry? Aren’t those issues that Christian churches are on the forefront of as well?
Republicans claim to speak the language of Christianity; meanwhile a lot of their policies and actions are directly opposed to messages of love and understanding that define the bible.
Guest Blog: The Facts Are Irrelevant
A few months back I wrote about the game of chicken that Congress and the White House were playing with people’s livelihood. They both blinked and the government wasn’t shutdown. The can was just kicked down the road. Once that squabble was over the political pundit class said the next big showdown was over raising the debt limit.
I hoped for the best and expected the worst. Sadly my expectations are blooming. The one lesson I’ve learned about politics over the course of my political junkie lifespan is never expect a politician to do anything politically selfless. It’s all a game and we, the general populace, are the losers.
But enough on this topic from me. This week, I’m handing an Uncommon Mind off to a highly trusted guest blogger, Duane N. Scott, to share his thoughts on the latest political crisis…
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The Facts Are Irrelevant
By Duane N. Scott
The debt ceiling crises or manufactured crises in my mind brings out the worst possible characteristics of politics. My ire is mostly directed towards the Republicans, not because the Democrats are a swell bunch of folks, they have their grand foibles too, but because the Republican are absolutely shameless in their zeal to cater to the rich undercut the poor.
First there’s Eric Cantor, the otherwise unknown Majority Leader. Cantor was exposed the other day when he came out saying that he was against the sweeping deficit reduction and revenue generation that President Obama and Speaker John Boehner proposed. You can count on Cantor saying and doing the opposite of anything Obama proposes. But the manner in which he was exposed has to do with his previous participation in the deficit reduction talks with Biden. He walked out of that negotiation too, but now he’s willing go back to the table and hash out the Biden plan because well that’s just what he does. What Cantor really wants is the Speaker of the House’s chair, which is currently occupied by Boehner. Unfortunately, he will sacrifice the American public for his like megalomania.
Another person who will go down in flames and likes to play loosey goosey with the facts is the one and only Michelle Bachman. Her latest faux pas involves the Iowa Marriage Pledge that has as its first bullet point that the black family was better off during slavery. This smacks of the usual Republican paternalism when it comes to discussing black people. From Haley Barbour to Bachman it never ceases to amaze me how Republicans try to rewrite history. As Coates points out so well, the there are so many problems with the vow it’s hard to imagine how anyone could sensibly endorse it.
The debt ceiling conflict will resolve itself, but the players will continue to jockey for position at the expense of American people.
The Same Thing Really Does Happen Every Night
I was flipping through my HBO channels one night and happened upon Bill Cosby’s classic standup comedy special “Bill Cosby: Himself”. It brought back all sorts of cherished childhood memories of the Scott family, packed in the family car, laughing hysterically while listening to a recorded version of the performance. This was the first time I had watched it as a parent. It was not only still hilarious but also eye-opening.
Bill Cosby must have seen into my future when he wrote that show, because his The Same Thing Happens Every Night routine is my life. See every night my oldest daughter puts on the bedtime performance of a lifetime. No matter what sort of punishment she gets the next night it’s the same thing.
Since the birth of our youngest daughter, I’ve taken on the primary responsibility of putting my three year old daughter to bed. When I say it’s a daily epic struggle I might be understating it. It starts with the announcement that it’s her bedtime and proceeds immediately downhill from there. Yes, three year olds are special little people.
When she’s told it’s her bedtime she starts negotiating for more time. “Can I watch one more show?” “I’m thirsty.” “I’m not tired.” And so on, occasionally we get a full blow tantrum. Once she accepts that bedtime is inevitable she starts working other angles to prolong her evening. For example, when we go to feed her fish she always drops the food pellet on the floor. Instead of getting another pellet she has to look for the one she dropped. This happens every night.
After the fish is fed, she slowly ambles upstairs to her bedroom to get undressed. I think it takes her an hour to walk up the steps. Why it takes so long I don’t know. My theory is she’s deciding what part of her body hurts. Every night when she reaches the top of the stairs she announces a pain in her selected body part. Whether it’s an arm, leg, nose, hand, toe, finger, tongue something always hurts. Of course once she gets to her room and discovers her toys the pain magically goes away. When I remind her she’s supposed to be undressing the battle of the clothes begins and the body pains return.
Once she’s undressed and sitting on the potty she breaks into song. Her songs are totally made up and generally a mix between nursery rhymes, songs from Ziggy Marley’s Family Time CD, and random bits of whatever songs she heard that day. Song time totally distracts her from the fact that it’s supposed to be potty time. So she’ll sit there, singing or talking until I ask her if she’s done.
Then it’s teeth brushing time. This part used to be quick until she discovered her image in the mirror. Now, when she goes to spit in the sink she has to stop to admire herself in the mirror, make faces, dance and again sing songs. When I gently (okay not so gently) remind her to step down so I can finish brushing her teeth she blurts out, “I’m looking at myself in the mirror, daddy!”
When I finally get her into the bathtub the crying starts. See she doesn’t like water on her face because it gets in her eyes even though her eyes are closed. When the bath is finished she, with her eyes still closed because she won’t open her eyes until I dry her face with a towel, makes her way around the tub gathering her toys to put them away. I’m amazed that this is actually the quickest part of the bath time process. No matter where the toys are even with her eyes closed she can still find them and put them away.
Once she’s dried off and dressed for bed we read a story. She long ago learned that if she asks me a question I’ll try to answer it. So every bedtime story is punctuated by a million questions that serve no purpose to other than to extend her night.
Then when her good night story is finished and she’s said her prayers (which she conveniently forgets halfway through then says perfectly when prodded) she looks at me with her big brown eyes, bats her long eyelashes and says, “Daaaaaddy, I love you!” It’s her way for saying thanks for putting up with this and be ready for tomorrow because we're going to do this all over again.
